Wednesday, June 20, 2007

How to wax like a man.

Last year I posted the highly informative and not at all inappropriate article titled "How to shave like a man!". It was a great success and brought me worldwide renown. I think 4 or 5 people actually read it based on the hate mail.

Anyway, over the course of the summer it became apparent that shaving just wasn't the way for me. It takes forever to do, I always miss spots and to be quite honest I'm too lazy to commit to the regimen involved. I ended up walking around all summer looking like a stubbly haired goat (scrawny legs and all) with the mange. Its not a look that's popular with the ladies.

This season after letting the fur regain its territory I decided to try waxing. How hard could it be I thought. Hoo-boy was I in for it.

Below is a step by step account of the process.

1. Buy waxing strips at store. I decided to also pick up some tampons at the same time so the clerk would assume I was simply being a good husband and not some sort of perverted, leg waxing freak. I decided on a product called "Nads" simply because I liked the name and thought it would be fitting for a dude to use.

Note: despite its name, you are NOT supposed to use the strips on your nads. See photo below. I feel gypped.

2. Get photo of yourself licking your nads. Just because.

3. Get yourself drunk. This is very important so that it doesn't hurt so much. I tried to man things up a bit here and went with a white wine spritzer over my normal zinfandel. Very manly, I feel better now.

4. Apply strips to leg as directed.

5. Take several deep breaths.

6. Pull strip off quickly.

7. Wake up finding yourself in the fetal position on the floor.

8. Look at shiny patch of bare skin. Only 20-ish more to go...per leg.

9. Complete job.

10. Marvel at how many scars that were once covered by hair are now clearly and painfully visible.
Yikes, thems some ugly legs!

11. Gain new respect for women.

12. Wait several days for missed hairs to grow long enough to try again. Yippee!

Its too soon to tell how long the hair will be gone for, from what I've heard, the more you do it, the less often you need to. Time will tell, I'll keep you posted.

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rbilson said...

I think I'll stick to shaving. That sounds a just a bit too painful.

Jason said...

I'm without speech.

rick is! said...

Jason is without speech. My work here is done.

I actually make it sound worse than it is. I does hurt like hell but you get used to it just like everything else I guess.

Wheels said...

Sounds like the only positive hear is the ability to lick your Nads. Then again, peanut butter and a dog seems to work well too, with less pain. You know, "becuase it's your dog."

rick is! said...

"but it's your dog!"