When Birdies Attack
The other day, on my mountain bike commute home, I heard a racket coming from behind me and glanced back just in time to see a giant bird (some sort of hawk I think) take off from a spot maybe 20 feet off of the trail. He landed in a tree not far away and proceeded to squawk like a freakin mad man. I watched him for a minute, took a pic, a short video and then headed on my way after he finally flew off. About thirty seconds down the trail, out of nowhere, I hear the squawking again, glance back and that son of a bitch was dive bombing me from behind. He swooped past, missing my head by five feet maximum. At this point I realized that I had somehow angered the beast. "I swear Mr. Hawk, I didn't know she was YOUR wife!" After that warning, I decided to walk my bike for a while so I could be on my toes. The raptor's chattering was amazingly loud and he was never out of sight so I kept my eyes on him and proceeded down the trail. Soon, he swooped again, this time coming at me pretty much head on and veered off just before reaching me. Being a man's man (who waxes) I like to pretend that I'm all tough and stuff but I swear to god, when he swooped me that time I frickin screamed like a girl. Who wouldn't really? The G-D thing had a wingspan approaching five feet, razor sharp talons and and a beak big enough to crack a coconut. Anyway, after that I got the camera out figuring if I was attacked again and I somehow got video of it hitting me in the junk I'd have a pretty good shot at $10k on america's funnies videos. I'd like to say that the video came out awesome but it didn't. Instead, you get to witness a Blair Witch type vid where you can't really see anything but you can hear the terror in my voice as the sob swooped me one more time for good measure.