Saving Rick's Privates

Holy shit in a shoe locker it was cold this morning!  Yesterday, I rode my bike home and left my car at work intending on catching a ride in this a.m. with Marcy. Unfortunately, last night Brynna had a really tough night ending up keeping us awake for most of the night and as a result, Marcy’s cough and sore throat developed into a full blown cold which meant no workie for Marcy which also meant no ridey for Ricky to work.  Of course since I’m always looking for an excuse to ride, I decided that I would simply ride in today and bring my car home tonight.  Turns out it was a wee bit cold out this morning.  When I left, it was 9 freakin’ degrees.  I’ve ridden on the trails many times at that temp and colder actually but never on the road.  It started out great actually because my legs felt good (surprisingly since I got so little sleep last night) and I was fairly warm except for my face.  It was cold but not unmanageable.  About 3/4 of the way in though things started to get a bit rough.  I have seen ads for wind proof briefs in cycling catalogs before but never really knew when you would need such a thing.  Well, I’m here to tell you that its mornings like this little sucker that you need wind proof briefs.  At about that ¾ mark, I noticed my hoo-hoo dilly (“Well, who put their hoo-hoo dilly in your cha-cha?” thanks Cartman) was getting a wee bit chilly.  No wait, let me rephrase that, my junk was downright frozen!  The rest of the commute became a ride for survival.  On every downhill, I’d cover my junk with my right hand to keep the wind off and I’d crank as fast as I could on the uphills to try to get the blood flowing again.  The strategy seemed to work because when I got in to the office everything was still attached and save for a few minutes of the “its gonna hurt like hell before it warms up” phase everything down THERE seems to be feeling better.

Another interesting note from this morning’s ride is that the dogs on my route seem to be working in tandem now using the whole distraction ruse.  Early on in today’s ride I spotted a large German Sheppard taking a piss just off of the road, and not just a normal piss but a “I’ve been holding it all freaking night and its starting to dribble down my leg” piss that just seemed to keep going and going and going.  While I was marveling at this dog’s pissing prowess, dog number two was sneaking up on me from the other side of the road.  If it hadn’t been for the leaves in the ditch, that shaggy dog bastard probably would have been on my heels without me even knowing.  If they keep upping the ante like this, soon I wouldn’t be surprised if they start ordering products like rocket propelled roller skates from ACME and Wile E. Coyote my ass.